WINNIPEG, MB- A man reportedly trying to show off his "mad skillz" in an online computer game at the University of Manitoba was told to "shut the fuck up" on Monday morning.

The 29 year old, Identified as Shawn Cooke, was not physically injured in the incident but remains pwnt in the aftermath.

"I'm sitting here trying to finish a ten page philosophy paper, and these assholes next to me are playing Quake or some shit," said the pwner, who wished not to be identified. "So I turned to the guy and told him firmly, "Shut the fuck up before I pound your face in.""

Cooke, visibly shaken from the incident, remarked that he had "never experienced anything like this," and adding that "my parents usually just shut the door to the basement."


Shawn Cooke after pwning n00bs in the basement of his parents' St. Vital home.

"This is worse than the time I overclocked my CPU and crashed my rig," says Cooke. "This is probably the reason I can't get a girlfriend, because I keep getting pwnt in public."

Cooke, an 8th year computer science major, hasn't had a real conversation with a girl besides his mother since "Betty Crosby called me a pervert in grade seven."

"I try to talk to girls in chatrooms, but they turn out to be guys screwing with me, so I just go back to my porn site and talk to a picture of Jenna Jameson."

When asked why it has taken him so long to finish his major he said that "the real world gave him asthma attacks" and he was trying to keep as far away from it as possible.

It remains to be seen how the copy of Quake came to be on that particular computer, but the computer deparment is investigating. They say it may take weeks to find out due to Cooke's "l33t hax0r skills."