CANADA- A study released yesterday by Health Canada reveals that being stabbed multiple times may be detrimental to your health.

Dr. Albert Farnsworth, who personally participated in the study, tabled the results yesterday afternoon at a press conference.

“It seems that in the process of being stabbed with a sharp object, such as a knife or sharpened stick, the subject’s organs may become slightly damaged,” he said. “There is however no way to know why exactly the organs become damaged in the first place, whether it is a product of the stabbing or an internal reaction to stress.”

Farnsworth says that during the course of his personal study, blood loss was his chief symptom of concern.

“The wounds produced by a sharp object, be it the sharpened edge of a candy cane or taxidermied beak of a chicken, resulted in massive blood loss from several of the subjects including myself,” said Farnsworth. “We concluded during these clinical trials that blood loss isn’t a good thing either.”

While researchers aren’t certain of all the detrimental effects of multiple stab wounds, the study concludes that Canadian citizens should avoid being stabbed until further notice.

Harold Wright, a 22-year-old participant in the study, says being stabbed repeatedly “hurt like hell.”

“I was a test subject in the broken beer bottle tests, and let me tell you, it’s not all sunshine and lollypops,” said Wright. “My left lung was somehow punctured, and I had no idea we needed both these things to breathe properly until my own blood started pooling at the bottom of my lung.”

When asked if he would recommend being stabbed multiple times Wright said: “I would have before, but after this study, probably not.”